Taming Cells

Before Jezz left I had a weird experience which can only be described as feeling like weeing through the left of my ribcage. I was left in no doubt that allowing my drain tube to block by becoming kinked (like a garden hose) does not end well for keeping randomly generated body fluids contained within the body and drain paraphernalia.  The side-weed body fluids even got my phone😱. Fortunately the drain was removed on Tuesday, it wasn't a painful experience but it was peculiar.  Imagine if you are able, a foot-long Haribo snake which is asleep on your ribcage but under your skin.  Somewhere near your sternum it awakens, juddering, squirming and then in one swift writhing dart move it slithers across your chest and exits through a tiny hole in your left torso. Well if you can imagine that, you will know what it felt like, and that it was peculiar. Mum and I have been doing much sorting this week, it seems I dont get around to sorting things, this is the luxury domain of re...

Recovery is coming along and I am looking forward to Wednesday when I can go beyond exercise 4 in my leaflet of post op exercises. These beauties lie ahead of me and after another week I will be able to do some almost yogic stretches too. I have been blessed by the love, care and kind thoughts and prayers which I have received and am convinced that the kind thoughts of others have helped me make this Op' so easy to recover from this far, I send truly deep thank yous to everyone who has sent their love and wishes, I am sure the vibes have reached me and helped me! Today is the last day I have the luxury of Jezz and Mum at home. It has been lovely, however, I am pleased that Jezz will be in London when I move on to exercise seven if this is what I got for exercise two  over breakfast today!😂

I had been doing a lot of staring into space in the run up to 0900 today when I went into theatre. We had been at the hospital since 0700 but unfortunately as my pre-op had only been done yesterday and despite it being mainly typed into a computer, there didn't seem to be much of a record that I had even been in the hospital yesterday!! I was first on the list and embarrassed that I delayed the start of the team's list. Everyone was on good form though.  Shelley was smiling again and she and my anaesthetist were beyond reassuring and relaxed.  I walked right into theatre and popped myself up onto the bed, no being wheeled in any more!  There was some cannulation pallaver but eventually I felt the hard-stuff in my wrist veins, held someone's hand and was out.  I came round quite comfortably; ate toast, three digestives, three cups of tea, several cups of water and some pain relief.  I was able to call Jezz to come and get me after chatting with a couple of med st...

The weekend was a blur, I know Jezz, my sister and I had a lovely walk and Jules and I had a fabulous lunch at The Ethicurian but I was in a crazy mental turmoil. Basically I felt like I was sitting on a metaphoric space-hopper-full-of-sewage that would explode if I didn't remain seated upon it. I mentally wobbled and bobbled into Monday, I did a few bounces during Qi Gong and Meditation classes at Penny Brohn and then spoke a few honest words to a couple of my fellow cancer-club members. It felt good, like the space-hopper-full-of-sewage almost had a puncture through which the sewage could begin to seep. I ate with Steff on Monday evening and thought I needed to be on my own to just finally let the space hopper burst and the sewage spew in god knows what kind of riotous performance.  Steff knew better though and called me down to her flat at 8.30 for a surprise pre-bedtime massage. It was wonderful!  Steff is amazing at massage, she has the special bed with the face-hole...

Today I held it together as far as the hospital car park before shouting F**K! very loudly. I will let you into a secret, on Tuesday I used an American (very reputable) predictor of how likely it was that my cancer had spread to my Lymph Nodes. It was only 2 days until the 3rd biopsy results, I hadn't had a good result so far and I figured it might help me to prepare. Whichever way I input my diagnosed variables, it was between 77 and 85% likely. I was feeling faintly hopeful despite that as the radiography consultant last week said the Lymph nodes looked good on the ultrasound. Consultant Shelley called us into the consulting room with a neutral-friendly welcome, it wasn't easy to read.  She asked how I was doing and was pleased that I had been spending plenty of time at Penny Brohn and focussing on self care as instructed! We quickly got to the point and yes, the Cancer has escaped my boob and has indeed reached my Lymph nodes. I will now be having a Mastectomy with axillary ...