A Space-Hopper-Full-of-Sewage

The weekend was a blur, I know Jezz, my sister and I had a lovely walk and Jules and I had a fabulous lunch at The Ethicurian but I was in a crazy mental turmoil. Basically I felt like I was sitting on a metaphoric space-hopper-full-of-sewage that would explode if I didn't remain seated upon it. I mentally wobbled and bobbled into Monday, I did a few bounces during Qi Gong and Meditation classes at Penny Brohn and then spoke a few honest words to a couple of my fellow cancer-club members. It felt good, like the space-hopper-full-of-sewage almost had a puncture through which the sewage could begin to seep.

I ate with Steff on Monday evening and thought I needed to be on my own to just finally let the space hopper burst and the sewage spew in god knows what kind of riotous performance.  Steff knew better though and called me down to her flat at 8.30 for a surprise pre-bedtime massage. It was wonderful!  Steff is amazing at massage, she has the special bed with the face-hole, the chilled music and everything! I gently slid off the space-hopper-full-of-sewage and let it sit, it was very close, almost bonded to me but it didn't explode and I began to relax.  Before bed I lit my beautiful candle which Lynda had bought for me, meditated and slept. I slept deeply and comfortably, my back didn't even hurt in the morning.

Despite the sleep, I was still in a low mood on Tuesday. I forced myself to make a few rounds of Victoria Park where I begrudgingly engaged with a few other dog walkers. Helen came over when I got back, she and Baby River had been driven into on the journey over, they were both fine (thank god) but shaken. This made me to snap out of my cautious obsessing over the ever-present space-hopper-full-of-sewage to look after her which helped me to wake back up a bit inside.  Steff joined us and cooked, Helen and River headed home and Steff and I went out into town! This was a planned night out to Revolution Bar where we had booked into Art Night.
Art Night was exactly what I needed, we had a great time following the teacher to paint our own version of "The Dancer". I was thrilled with my output (Mine is on the right).  Despite the space-hopper-full-of-sewage shackled to my ankle, it was a great way to relax and get out and mingle with the largely cancer-free wider world!

Open Studio takes place at Penny Brohn one Wednesday a month. I went along and painted a watercolour of a Glastonbury Sunset. You will notice that I have not shared that one here🤣. More importantly, whilst in the Penny Brohn art room I borrowed scissors and some craft supplies as I chatted with people who knew exactly how I felt and managed to actually pierce the space-hopper-full-of-sewage and channel its contents out into the garden beyond.

There was a little sewage residue which I managed to ditch in Ashton Court this afternoon on a lovely walk with my wonderful old friend Miles, who drove down from Cheshire for the afternoon!! We quietly and without fuss buried the space hopper out there with a classic view of the city over the fields. RIP depressing sack of shit!

So I am back, able to laugh again, completely gutted about last Thursday's biopsy result but at least accepting of it. I have received additional counselling over tea from several wonderful neighbours and spent a fair amount of time with my kind and gentle breast care nurse at the hospital. I am primed and ready for my Mastectomy on Wednesday but not before a two-boobed romantic weekend retreat with my amazing Jezz for Valentines day ...during which I plan to only be in communication with him!😉

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