Why the long face?

That was a tough few days mentally but I feel like I am getting back on top. We switched off by indulging in back to back episodes of The Good Place. We made a delicious Shepherdless pie which saw us through the weekend healthily. Annoyingly (now) I missed seeing Em, Nick, Bea, Claire and Lizzie on Saturday because I was still in a mental hole but I did meet some lovely OYNB folk for a dog walk on Sunday and Steff, Jezz and I went to a Gong Bath on Sunday evening which was tranquil and restorative to the soul.

It was just too hard to talk or properly think about until today. Oddly though I don't understand why it was so hard. When my back was severe and they told me they could operate, I was overjoyed, I couldn't wait, it was fabulous news. So what is the difference with this? I am certainly keen to get on with the Op and it could be all that has to happen if I am lucky. Nevertheless there is a nagging something-or-other and I know it is related to the word Cancer. It just doesn't feel the same as a mechanical breakage like my back was.  We seem to be indoctrinated into believing it is the most awful thing ever but I can't rationally say it is in this case. I stand a great chance of a full recovery with no mental disability to deal with, no life changing physical changes except only one of my nipples will have any sensation (ok not what you need to read but it is relevant!), so it really isn't a biggie ...but it still feels like one and I dont want it to.

I will try to focus on getting to the bottom of this over the coming days and then give it all a stiff ignoring and have some fun once I get to Coventry with Mum and the lovely sewing ladies on Thursday.

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