Everything hurts but I am still smiling.

Written 20th August.


With hindsight I would say that it is easier to blog when things are OK.  Hormone therapy hasn't been OK.

Today I start on my second type of aromatase inhibitor (AI) after being taken off the first for the last month. The first, in combination with the injections brought me a bit of a mental breakdown on the same week I returned to work and if that wasn't enough they have slowed me down physically with really hideous joint pain on top of body soaking sweats and an uncontrollable appetite.

The injections stop my ovaries from producing oestrogen, this gives me equivalent to a normal menopause but without a gradual build up of symptoms.  The AIs then stop any oestrogen made in my body fat from being absorbed. This residual oestrogen is the kind part of a natural menopause, the softening edge for most.  Because zero oestrogen is being absorbed by my body, my brain is telling it to create fat so that I can produce oestrogen, this has made me unhealthily interested in ice cream, cake and everything I shouldn't be eating, I have never been able to relate to uncontrolled eating. I can now.

During lockdown, Jezz started running with Mack several times a week.  He has lost 3/4 Stone ...I have gained it.

My right shoulder was formally diagnosed as a Frozen shoulder after I cried through an MRI in June, I am still waiting for a private appointment for a hydrodilation which should release it and remove the extreme pain I feel every time I push my arm out of its teeny turning circle. Jezz  has been helping me to take my tops off and fastening my bra for months now, it isn't sexy and stops me sleeping.



Despite all of this crap, Jezz and I got engaged💘, it was incredible, he flew a plane with a message on it around Glastonbury Tor while we were picnicking with friends.  We have just managed to get away camping during that hot week with Claire and Julian (our great friends through whom we met) and we are amidst buying and selling houses so that we can pool our assets and live together every day of the week.

I will post a bit more about returning to work and the impact of the new AI in due course x

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